


i want you to stop insisting i'm not a lost cause

by secretly_a_savior



Series: tie a noose around your mind (loose enough to breathe) tie it like a leash around a tree, tell it 'you belong to me' [4]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Arguments, Cleaning, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gundham Breaks Character, Hair Dyeing, M/M, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Self Care (or lack thereof), Self-Esteem Issues, Souda has ASD, Souda has PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-14 15:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18055313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretly_a_savior/pseuds/secretly_a_savior
Summary: He caught sight of the window behind his bed through the open bathroom door in the mirror and frowned. The sun was coming up. He wondered what day it was as he looked into his own tired eyes. The bags under them were deep-set at this point, dark and forboding. He hadn't slept in- well, three days, maybe? They all ran together. He had his glasses on, finding himself unmotivated to force himself to put his contacts in. He hadn't really been out of his room, actually, except for one run to the kitchen to get some bread and peanut butter, which he stashed in his mini-fridge among rows and rows of caffienated drinks. He'd also been across the hall to Gundham's room several times to feed the animals that were impractical to take home with him, notably 15 baby hamsters and several fish and reptiles.He reached for his medication box- a cutesy box labeled with each day of the week that Gundham had given him, and instead of the familiar rattle of Risperidone, Sertraline, and vitamins he was greeted with an empty box.Oh. So, it's Sunday.School started again on Tuesday, so most students would probably start filtering back in today.





	i want you to stop insisting i'm not a lost cause

**Author's Note:**

> mental health complicates relationships? who knew!
> 
> yes i know risperdone comes in a box not a bottle don't @ me i'm an author who focuses on imagery ok? ok thanks.  
> also i know risperdone and sertraline usually aren't perscribed together but you can @ my doctor with that information kthxbye 
> 
> anyway have another angst fic semi-based on a Real Life Thing that Happened To Me.
> 
> I wrote this without my glasses so uhhhhhhhhhhhh if it's chock full of spelling mistakes I'll fix it in approximately 6-9 days when my new specs come in lmaoooo

It took Souda a long time to figure out that Gundham's ridiculous attire, his speech, and his belief in the dark arts weren't a character or a secondary persona to be fixed or eradicated- that was just  _him._  That was just how he was. Souda was almost envious- occasionally, when he was sitting in his bathroom with bleach stinging his scalp that he felt like a poser. A liar. He was, and continued to be, that punk little kid who was scared of everyone and allowed himself to get cheated, beat up, and harrassed. Some hair dye and contacts could never manage to change that. 

He sighed, shaking his head. Speaking of hair dye, his roots had grown in at least an inch at this point, and he'd let his hair grow wildly out of control. He never used to let them even get visible, sometimes compulsively ensuring that any overnight growth was bleached to oblivion and dyed to match his head to ensure that the pink seemed natural. The Hope's Peak workload took that away from him, though, and as he aged he realized he wasn't really fooling anybody. His hair was greasy and unwashed, too, the long pieces had been put back into the same unkempt bun for at least five days, unbrushed and unbothered. He stood up from his desk, where he was halfheartedly reading some schematics, and lethargically stalked to the bathroom, looking in the mirror.

He caught sight of the window behind his bed through the open bathroom door in the mirror and frowned. The sun was coming up. He wondered what day it was as he looked into his own tired eyes. The bags under them were deep-set at this point, dark and forboding. He hadn't slept in- well, three days, maybe? They all ran together. He had his glasses on, finding himself unmotivated to force himself to put his contacts in. He hadn't really been out of his room, actually, except for one run to the kitchen to get some bread and peanut butter, which he stashed in his mini-fridge among rows and rows of caffienated drinks. He'd also been across the hall to Gundham's room several times to feed the animals that were impractical to take home with him, notably 15 baby hamsters and several fish and reptiles. 

Hope's Peak was on a short school break, a week and a half, and he decided he'd rather stay on campus than do anything else. He didn't want to impose on Gundham's rare time with his angel of a mother, nor did he want Gundham's mother spending any money on him (which she had a tendacy to do whenever he was around. She said she liked having another boy to spoil.) And, on the other side of that coin, he sure as hell wasn't going to go home. So, he settled on staying alone. 

Nagito and a few underclassmen were on campus as well, but nobody he knew very well. Kaede Akamatsu, Shuichi Saihara, Yasuhiro Hagakure and Toko Fukawa all wandered the halls as well, the six of them silently living their lives without much interruption. (Although, he hadn't seen Kaede or Shucihi separate....  _ever.)_ He glanced over his own shirtless form, noting that his skin was more pallid then usual. He casted it aside as a side effect of staying inside. He reached for his medication box- a cutesy box labeled with each day of the week that Gundham had given him, and instead of the familiar rattle of Risperidone, Sertraline, and vitamins he was greeted with an empty box. 

_Oh. So, it's Sunday._

School started again on Tuesday, so most students would probably start filtering back in today. 

He exited his bathroom, flipping on a lightswitch in his bedroom despite the natural light beginning to filter in. He navigated to the lock-box he kept on his dresser. In it was ¥10,000, the spare key to Gundham's Toyota, and two... empty pill bottles. He sighed and slammed the box shut, resolving to go to the pharmacy later. He'd probably pick up some bleach and dye as well. So  _that's_ why he was getting calls from a number he didn't have saved (and one from his father.) He sat back down at his desk after a moment of silent resignation to a terrible day, and opened his laptop. It occured to him that he could have Gundham pick up his meds, but he didn't want to bother the other when he already had a long drive back to school. It was hot out, too, and he knew some animals were bound to be in the car, and although he'd authorized the other to pick the medications up, the pharmacy was (rightfully so) squirrely about antipsychotics and SSRIs. 

He turned around, grabbing the back of his chair to crack his back, and caught sight of his room as he did so. It was messy. Clothes and trash, like, everywhere. Not disgusting by any means, but there were certainly a few too many takeout boxes stacked on his nightstand and plenty too many energy drinks unfinished, left open to go flat. He made a mental note to clean it before Gundham got back to school. It occured to him that he didn't really know  _when_ Gundham was coming back. They'd exchanged texts every day obviously, but none really that covered that. He shrugged and opened up a game on his computer, letting his eyes glaze over as he absentmindedly raced around a track. It occured to him, an indeterminate amound of time into his game, that he was freezing cold, and so he stood once more, reaching over onto his bed and grabbing a mass of black fabric. 

He shook it out, and voila, it was no longer a clump of fabric, but one of Gundham's hoodies he wore around his dorm for late night studying. Souda tossed it on over his head and let a smile creep onto his lips. It was warm, and just a little bit too big on him, and it smelled like his boyfriend. A simple comfort. He had taken it from the other's room the day he left. The smile fell as he realized how ridiculous it would seem to an outsider for him to stop taking care of himself  _convieniently_ when Gundham left, but truth be told he had been pretty down before the break even started. He just had to stop hiding it with the other away. He settled back into playing his game. 

* * *

 

The first thing Souda realized when he returned to conciousness was that his back and neck hurt  _terribly._  Next, he realized not only was he still wearing his glasses, buthe wasn't laying on a pillow, but on something hard. As he moved his face he felt the click of buttons of some sort underneath it. His auditory proccesing returned to him next. There was a gentle hand on his shoulder, and somebody speaking to him. The voice was familiar, but uncharacteristically soft. 

"K-Kazuichi?" The voice acted, sounding somewhere in the ballpark of bewildered and concerned. 

Souda shot up all at once, lightheadedness knocking the breath out of him. He noticed, too, that the side of his face welt  _wet_ and it dawned on him that he had fallen asleep, mouth agape on his laptop.  _Incredible._ When his head stopped spinning, he looked at Gundham, who was standing before him with a couple of plastic bags in his hand. 

"Oh my god, Gundham, hi, what- what time is it?"

"Eight P.M." Gundham replied, voice still soft and confused. 

Souda stood and wrapped his arms around Gundham, who couldn't reciprocate because his hands were full. 

"Hi, Baby! Good to have ya back! What- What are you doing here, haha?" The mechanic asked, immediately putting a mask on, knowing it was futile due to the absolute state of disarray he and his room were in. 

"I have returned to school, as most of our classmates have." 

Souda nodded, peeling himself off of the other. 

"My Dark Prince, I think you should get some rest. You look as if you've spent long swaths of time without rest." Gundham suggested. 

Souda just chuckled nervously, ashamed to admit he probably fell asleep around 7 A.M. 

"Yeah, babe. Why don't you go see your animals and stuff, and I'll, uh, get some rest." The mechanic said, stripping himself of the sweatshirt he was wearing and crawling up into his bed, pulling the covers over himself. Gundham approached him and placed a kiss on his forehead. 

"We can talk later. I missed you." Gundham said. He was being quiet but his voice was rather stern. He disappeared out of the room (not without leaving a small pharmacy bag on Souda's dresser) and to the mechanic's surprise, he fell actually fell asleep again, despite the anxiety thrumming through him. 

* * *

Gundham waited ten minutes, greeting the animals he missed when he returned the ones he took with him into their homes, and then returned to Souda's room, not surprised to find him conked out. He removed his coat and his shoes, so he could be as quiet as possible, and went to work tidying up the room. 

Souda was usually incredibly self sufficient. He liked to be clean and tidy when he wasn't working on something, he ate on a regular schedule, worked out with Nekomaru often (not that he needed it, working on cars required quite a bit of strength. He was rather muscular but would downplay that fact if you pointed it out.) His sleep schedule wasn't incredible, but that wasn't expected from a high schooler, much less one with the burden of being Japan's Best Mechanic on his shoulders. He was even religious about taking his medications on time and keeping commitments he'd made with friends or at very least having a valid excuse for leaving them hanging.  When he crashed though, he crashed hard. Sometimes it resulted in just a day of nothing but sleep and constant stimming, sometimes it resulted in nearly a month of a zombiefied Souda stalking around refusing to eat or sleep or wash his hair. It was hard for Gundham to cope- he couldn't get into the other's mind and see it his way, why would you  _want_ to live like that? 

He had to remind himself that all he could do was gently nudge the other and help out until he was well enough to get back on his feet, without allowing total dependency. He didn't  **want** to live like that, he just felt powerless to change it sometimes. Gundham didn't plan on coming back early, but when the pharmacy called him and said Souda (and his father) was ignoring their calls, he decided he might want to check in and get an honest look at the other's condition. (An "Are you okay?" text would most likely result in a "Yeah, why?" and a fast deflection.) He was mildly angry, sure, but not at the mechanic for not taking care of himself, he was angry at him for not reaching out. He let out a sharp breath as he quietly tossed out trash, dumping each of the half-finished energy drinks into the sink before throwing them into a bag. Once the trash was taken care of, he went to work separating clean clothes from dirty from the clothes on the floor, and putting away the clean clothes, setting aside Souda's work jumpsuits (these didn't get washed as often to protect their water/oilproof coatings) and tossing the dirty clothes in a hamper. He left with the hamper and tossed the dirty clothes in the laundry before returning. On his way back, he stoppd in his own bedroom and grabbed one of the plastic shopping bags he had obtained from his room, as well as his backpack, throwing them into the hamper for easy carrying.   
  
He returned, once again, moving stealthily to prevent waking Souda. He'd throw a fit if he saw Gundham cleaning for him. He obtained and ran a damp cloth on all of the surfaces in the room. He approached the hamper, tossing the damp cloth in haphazardly after retrieving the bags. In the shopping bag there was a box of 40-volume bleach, and hot pink dye, as well as a few of Souda's favorite snacks, some instant noodles, and a new Rubik's cube to replace the one Gundham had inadvertantly destroyed. The breeder placed all of these carefully onto the newly cleaned and organized desk, set his backpack down, and then climbed as quietly and inobtrusively into the bed and under the covers as possible. He draped a bandaged arm over his boyfriend lazily and placed a kiss at the nape of his neck. 

Souda replied with a content hum, signaling he was awake. 

"My dark prince, most wonderful evil being who has taken my heart for ransom, what has your mind so tangled?" Gundham asked quietly, shifting so his forehead was resting on the other. 

"'Dunno." Souda replied, seeing no point in lying anymore. He had yet to open his eyes and see his room. He rolled over so he was facing the other instead, then opened his eyes. "Just don't feel too hot, that's all. I'm fine. I don't feel like myself."

Gundham replied with a thoughtful hum, adjusting so that the other could get comfortable. 

"It is rather late at night, but I am well rested, and I think you should eat something." 

Souda grumbled incoherantly. Something about  _"I'm comfy, though."_

"Kazuichi." 

"Fine." 

They both sat up and Souda turned, swinging his legs over the edge. He blinked a few times, and although he couldn't see very well, he could see his room was clean. He saw the pharmacy bag on the dresser, next to his lock box, and the assortment of stuff on his desk next to his laptop. Tears formed in his eyes and he was immediately overwhelmed. He let out a small whimper, trying to control his breath. 

Gundham leant against him, a simple reminder of his presence. 

"Do not thank me, my love, and do not fret. It does not bother me in the slightest to help you, even if you are too distraught to ask." He said. The mechanic replied with a tight hug, and Gundham felt tears soak through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. He reciproacted the awkwardly-angled embrace, running a hand up and down his boyfriend's spine. When Souda finally let up, he stood from the bed and took the pot off of Souda's electric kettle. Souda loved hot coffee and tea, especially in the winter, so Gundham had purchased it for the other's birthday, it made him smile to see that it had clearly been used. He took it to the bathroom, rinsing it out and then filling it with fresh water before returning to it's base and turning it on. He made quick work of the noodles once the water had boiled, and handed one of them to Souda, who had sat watching him silently. 

The mechanic was sure that if he opened his mouth nothing but a flurry of apologies and gratitudes would fall out. 

They ate in silence, careful not to let any broth fall onto Souda's sheets. Souda was the first to stand. The hand holding the styrofoam container hovered as if to put it on his bedside table for a moment, but he let out a resigned sigh before walking to the trash can and tossing it out there. 

"I love you." He finally said, offering a half-smile to Gundham. 

"I love you too, my Dark Consort." The breeder replied with a nod, following suit to throw away his trash. "Although I certainly with you would summon help when you are drowning in such dark waters. Even the most powerful beings walking this realm know that not all demons can be defeated alone." He stopped in front of Souda's fridge, taking out a drink for himself- he needed the caffiene. He intended to stay awake with Souda and then rest up for Tuesday's classes in the morning. He handed also picked up the other's glasses, but found the other shaking his head when he offered them. 

"No, I wanna put in my contacts if I'm gonna be up after sleepin' all day."

"I am going to help you with your hair, and I fear the fumes from the potion may damage your eyes, should you put those in." Gundham said, once again pushing the glasses towards the other. This time, though, they were accepted. He set his drink on top of the desk and knelt down, retrieving his own glasses from his backpack, as well as a contact case. He took his contacts out without looking, having done it so many times he didn't need a mirror, and put them in their cases, putting on his glasses. Souda smiled at Gundham, watching him with appreciation. Although his hair was styled, he had no makeup or any of the usual cosmetic changes he did to his appearence. Gundham found himself incredibly ugly without them, his scar and his blinded eye bothered him the most. Souda found them charming and beautiful, a reminder that Gundham was a human with human weaknesses, and part of the history of his favorite person. 

"I can do my hair, you-"

"Surely you are  _capable_ of doing your hair, my Love, but I fear you will not do it. If you look your best, certainly you will feel your best." Gundham offered, cutting Souda off. 

Another huff of resignation left Souda's mouth. He walked over to his closet and pulled out a throw blanket, placing it on the ground. His bathroom was too tiny to fit two people comfortably. Gundham took the signal and grabbed the black box (and his drink) off of the desk and sitting on the ground, legs apart. He opened the can, took a sip, and then ripped open the cardboard box. He set the box down and leant over to grab his backpack and pulled a hairbrush out if it as well. He then returned his attention to the box and placed the pieces of the kit in front of him, mixing the bleach and the developer quickly, having done it many times before for himself. Souda sat, watching Gundham with wide eyes. Gundham took his own shirt off to prevent staining it (even though it was already white) and carefully stripped his arm of the bandages that covered it. He set those things to one side of him. and then set the mixed bleach to the other side, and then patted the ground in front of him. Souda took the signal, slotting himself between the taller boy's legs, facing the wall. 

He felt the other pull the hairtie from his hair and bite back a sigh, disappointed that even without the tie, the hair stayed together. The breeder began gently detangling it with his fingers and then went at it with the brush, trying to be as gentle as possible. The mechanic winced. He didn't speak, content to let Souda speak first. He didn't want to pry at all.

"I just-" Souda started. "-I- Sometimes I feel like I'm not even a real person. Like, the pink hair, the contacts, the filed teeth, they're just to hide that I'm a pathetic mess. I don't deserve all this special treatment. I don't deserve  _you._ I feel like I don't deserve a whole hell of a lot of anythin'." 

Gundham sighed, eyes downcast for a moment. His heart broke every time Souda spoke like this, and his honeyed words could only so so much to negate his beloved's thoughts. He went to speak, but before a sound could leave his mouth the other continued. 

"And I kind of just want to go back home and work in the fuckin' bike shop. I feel like I contribute nothing here- I'm surrounded by people who make the world better an' all I really do is fix cars. "

With his hair brushed out, Souda stopped speaking for a moment, and felt the familiar cold of bleach against his roots. It was a comforting sensation, even though he knew it was going to turn to an intense burning any moment. 

"Don't call that place hom-"

" _ **Listen,**_ Gundham." Souda continued, irritation growing in his voice, angry that the other didn't understand. "Sure. My Dad's a pain in the ass, but I know how to deal with him. It is a pain in the ass I handled on my own for seventeen years. It is familiar. I can just fucking tune it out. I've mastered the art of ignoring my father and avoiding upsetting him. I'll fucking dye my hair back black and fix some bikes. Sometimes misery is more comfortable than feeling everything entirely too much. I don't care. I don't have the energy to care. Here everything's new. I'm a terrible student, a terrible boyfriend, I feel like a terrible person, I'm emotionally stunted, my classmates only tolerate me because they love you and-"

" _ **Kazuichi!**_ Fucking shut up!" 

Souda straightened up, staring straight ahead. He didn't dare look behind him. 

"I get it. Not all of us love ourselves, but, this is ridiculous. You aren't-" Gundham paused, putting down the bleach and crawling across the floor so he was in front of the other. "You're only a  _terrible boyfriend_ when I'm worried half to death about you because you're so sad here you'd rather go back 'home'-" he emphasized  _home_ with air quotes "- and be beat half to death every other night than stay here. I don't fucking understand your apathy towards yourself. You realize that some of us care about you, right? Even if you don't yourself, some of us do and it's exhausting to have to constantly talk you down from a ledge. " 

Souda listened intently, although he avoided eye contact, staring at his bare feet on the blanket instead. He'd never heard Gundham speak in such plain English and he was slightly terrified. 

"You're not  _pathetic,_ you're not a  _mess,_ and before you even start you're not  _broken_ and I'm not trying to  **fix you.** No amount of my magic or dark prayers can change who you are. I want to grab your shoulders and shake you until you understand how much I love you, how much everyone else loves you. How badly do you have to hate yourself to think you deserve bruises and lashes over basic human decenty, let alone my affection? How bad do you have to hate _**me**_?" 

Souda gasped and his head shot up, locking eyes with Gundham immediately. This was it, this was Gundham at his most raw- no cosmetics, no contacts, no bandages and his heart on his sleeve. It was something Souda was unsure he wanted to come into contact in often. His chest felt like it was going to burst- he was so intensely overwhelmed, and he was fighting the urge to withdrawal from the situation entirely, clinging to the burning sensation on his head to keep his mind on the ground. 

"I don't  _ **hate**_ you, Gundham. I could never hate y-" 

"Don't say that because you know it isn't true." 

Souda huffed, he hated when Gundham brought up their past rivalry. It hurt to think about at all really, the cruel way they treated eachother. 

"I don't hate you. I don't even think I hate myself. I'm just upset and stressed out and don't know if I really even know who I am, and I feel like I'm too much and not enough at the same time." He said. "I feel like a lost cause. It's like this _**despair**_ that's got hold of me. "

Gundham just sighed and shook his head, unable to say anything more. He silently returned to where he was, positioning himself closer to the other than he was before, and carefully applying the bleach to the other's head, ensuring none of it fell onto the pale skin of Souda's back, where it would most certainly leave a burn. 

There was a heavy silence and the air was so tense you could cut it with a knife. After a while, Gundham spoke up. 

"This will pass, my Dark Consort. You have made many waves in this realm and although you have yet to see them, and I am unsure if I alone can open your eyes, you are loved with the entire capacity of my dark heart, and it hurts to hear you say these things. Now turn around, please." 

Souda just let out a sharp breath and didn't say anything, slightly glad that Gundham was acting himself again. It hurt to know that he was hurting the other but his feelings were something he couldn't really help. It was just... how he felt. No amount of therapy or medication could  _really_ change that, could it? Underneath the overlying hurt was a layer of anger at the other for snapping like that, for being so blunt and cruel to even  _suggest_ that Souda had the  **capacity** to hate him. He figured he was better off just not speaking to avoid biting the hand that fed him. He had a lot to say, but didn't want to make things any worse. Gundham would never experience the absolute lack of feeling, the dissociation, the restless hands, the restless  _legs,_ the restless  **everything** really. He wouldn't know what it was like to stare at a text message for 30 minutes and wonder if he made someone angry simply because they punctuated it differently than usual. The inability to process sarcasm, the inability to differentiate between genuine kindness and somebody being backhanded and shady (and therefore defaulting to the latter when in social situations.) would  **all** remain a mystery to Gundham, because Souda could never find the words to convey them, and if he was being frank, often words simply weren't enough. 

He did as the other said, turning around and letting him begin work on the top of his head, the stinging really sinking on, causing him to bite down hard on the inside of his mouth. He could tell the other was tense too, his once gentle grips at Souda's hair were a little bit tighter now- not enough to hurt, but noticably different. Upon noticing that, he finally spoke up. 

"Gundham, babe.... I don't know what to say other than  _sometimes I feel this way._  Not constantly being on edge and not constantly denying my feelings and actions for the sake of my father has given me back the ability to  ** _feel_** my  _ **feelings,**_ and unfortunately I haven't done that since I was, like, 12." He paused, glancing up to catch Gundham's eyes. _"I love you._ You do so much for me, your kindness knows no bounds- I trust you, and I love you, I really do, but-" there was a pause where he chewed on his words for a moment, trying to find a sincere way for his next statement to come across. "-if this is something that's stressing you out so much, that's hurting you, I don't have any type of timeline on  _ **when**_ or  _ **if**_ that will ever change, and maybe you should just find someone who isn't br- ... who isn't  **like me.** All I want is for you to be happy and comf-" 

"If it is truly your desire that I am happy and comfortable, you should stop talking." 

And.... more silence. Finally, once the bleach application was finished, Gundham becan cleaning up- stripping himself of the gloves and then standing to toss out the trash. He handed Souda the plastic cap that would prevent the bleach from going everywhere, and the Mechanic slipped it on, slouching over where he sat for a moment. Unexpectedly, Gundham sat right back on the ground where he was and pulled the other into an embrace, wrapping his arms around him and resting his forehead on Souda's shoulder. 

"I am not such a coward that I would leave simply because I cannot see the world through your eyes." Gundham said. "I care about you, and I want you to be well. That is a source of stress for me, but it is well outshined by how fantastic and bright you are when you are feeling your best. Your power over me is something even I could not anticipate. For somebody to melt the heart of the Supreme Overlord of Ice is no small feat. Beside that, your knowledge of Automatons and their magic is incredible, for I could never fathom doing something any more complicated than a simple change of oil."

That elicited a chuckle from Souda, who was melting into the embrace, attempting to let himself relax. 

"'M sorry." The mechanic mumbled, feeling the other bring his head up to place a kiss on his shoulder. He hummed quietly. 

"Do not be sorry. I apologize for being so blunt and raising my voice." Gundham said softly. The other's skin felt warm against his own, and it felt heavenly as the tensity in the air melted away. Hard conversations had to be had, but that didn't make them easy.

"Nah, don't be. Gotta yell sometimes to get into this thick skull of mine. Thank you, baby, for all you've done tonight. You really don't gotta stay up just 'cos my sleep schedule's ass backwards." 

"I am not one to back down from something I've committed to, especially not when you seem so deeply embedded in the woven web holding you down." 

Souda pulled his brows together, trying to make heads and tails of Gundham's statement, but decided to just take it at face value. 

"Speaking of this thick skull of mine, it burns and itches like a motherfucker and I think it's time to rinse it off." 

Gundham laughed and released his grip on the other, freeing him to rinse out his hair. 

When Souda returned, hair wrapped up in a towel, Gundham was asleep sitting up, chin to his chest. Souda chuckled and approached him. 

"Gundham." He said, shaking his head. "I think you need to get some rest." 

The breeder shot up straight, eyes wide, unaware he had even fallen asleep. Souda offered his hand to help the other get up and he accepted, pulling himself to his feet.

"I can't let ya run yourself into the ground just because I'm not feelin too great. C'mon, you can just take a little nap and when ya wake up we can finish my hair and go get somethin' to eat." 

Gundham was going to say something, but instead a long, drawn out yawn came out. He instead just nodded, shed his glasses, and climbed up into the bed, followed by his boyfriend.

"I hate sleeping with you when your hair is wet." Gundham said with a huff.

"I know." Souda said, a mischievous grin crawling across his face. He tended to shower at night, while the other did so in the mornings, so this was often a problem between them. He settled into the other's arms, head to his chest. "Do you want me to leave?"

"You know that I don't." Gundham said, rolling his eyes and pulling the duvet over himself and the other. Souda didn't sleep, but was content to just be held by the other and take in the warmth for a few hours.

**Author's Note:**

> also FAQ:  
> "gundham wears glasses?" yes i headcanon his eyes are different colors because he wears contacts.  
> "gundham's fucked up eye?" yes i headcanon he was in some sort of animal accident that left him with a totally fucked, blinded eye. He wears a contact to cover it.  
> "what about (x symptom)?" i write based solely on my own experience with ASD/PTSD/having abusive parents. i prefer not to touch things i haven't experienced for the sake of other people's feelings and accurately representing mental health instead of writing based on clinical ass medical resources. 
> 
> friendly reminder my requests are open @frappucinhoe on tumblr (formerly aaronbrunos)  
>  _please comment on this_


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